Sounds crazy right? A lesbian married a man.. and had his kids?! Yep, this girl did, and it's a lot more common than you think. I've met quite a few lesbians married straight.
But it seems as if some of these lesbians discovered it during the marriage, or around their senior year in high school or after. Some marry straight because they are hiding the fact that they are gay. Or if you're like me, you married a man being lesbian because that's what your heart told you to do.
I knew I was lesbian practically my whole life. I can't remember a time where I ever felt a connection or love towards a man as a teenager, child, or even young adult. I was an open lesbian. I've never really had to hide it.. at least with my friends.
I grew up in Mormon homes, and around super religious people. I was told so many things about being lesbian. People always seemed to make excuses for it. I'd hear things such as:
"You're not really lesbian, You just think you are because a man raped you."
"Your only lesbian because your mom and stepdad had sex with you and you've been hurt by more men than women."
"Stop seeking attention. You're only claiming to be lesbian because you feel you need to. You're not really gay. Stop acting out."
"You know she can't hurt you anymore.. you're a foster child, you can't be hurt by your mother anymore. No reason to pretend to be gay."
I hated hearing all of these. Like somehow I was compensating or lying about who I was because of the sexual abuse that happened to me. Did it have an impact? Yeah of course it did. I was hurt by more men than women. But I do not feel a disgust towards men. I know in my heart that I am not gay because of the abuse. I know it now and I knew it then.
When I was in 3rd grade I played Cinderella in a school play. So about 8 or 9 years old. I was meant to kiss the prince charming, and instead, I kissed my step sister. I got into a lot of trouble for that by the principal. I remember being told that it was wrong and two girls should never kiss, or touch inappropriately. I never listened to that nor did I ever feel like that was true. I continued to love, appreciate and connect better with women.
Like I said before, I've never had to pretend to be anything else.. when around friends. It means exactly how it sounds. I never had friends that wouldn't accept me for me so I never had to hide who I was and who I liked. But with family and foster care that was completely different.
I had to hide who I was. I had to pretend I was different, that I wasn't lesbian. I dated boys and brought boys home to meet the foster parents, or the adoptive parents, or even the caseworker. I had to lie so that I wasn't treated so differently.
I would go into a new foster home and would be told that I couldn't be alone in my own room, doors always had to be open and if I had friends over regardless of sex we always had to hang out in the family room or front rooms. I had always felt so embarrassed and humiliated.
I had gone to a friends house for dinner one day and in the middle of dinner, my friend's sister had snapped at me yelling at me to stop staring at her breasts. She then continued to yell that I was disgusting and that she didn't want to have sex with me. I was so humiliated and taken back that I couldn't speak clearly. The sad thing was that I had never looked at her. I was talking to my friend. I never said a word to her, and I was attacked because I was openly lesbian. I had left soon after feeling ashamed, sad, hurt, but mostly humiliated. All I wanted to say was, "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to sleep with every person that has boobs and a vagina. I don't want to sleep with every woman. Do you want to sleep with every guy?! You're straight!" It's so offensive to have people say that just because you are different than them.
I've been bullied, beat up, accused, stripped, used and lied to all because I was openly gay. I never have and never will hide who I am. Does being gay affect my marriage today? Do my husband and I have sex? Am I ever fully pleased? Am I depressed or lonely? How did I even marry him? Does he know? How does it affect him? I have been asked all these questions and more.
When I first met my husband, moved in with him, and decided to marry him I never once hid who I was. He knew I was gay. He knew about the men I had seen over the years as fake boyfriends. He knew how many partners I had in my past both male and female. He knew about it all. Why? Because he was a really good friend that over time I happened to fall in love with. I never kept my past from him. I never hid or lied to him about who I was and what I wanted in life. And he still stuck by my side.
So when did we decided to get married and how did that affect me as a lesbian? The answer, it didn't. I had told him when we first talked about marriage and moving forward in life that I wasn't going to stop loving women all because I married a guy. I told him that he needed to accept me and all of me before he proposed to me. And he still proposed. Me being a lesbian was never a secret or a relationship shocker.
As for the sex. That's great! He is really good in bed and I enjoy sex with my husband. I do get pleased. I feel wanted and loved. Sex is not a problem when it gets to our marriage. I've never pushed him away or turned him down. It's amazing that people think because I am openly gay and love women that I wouldn't have sex with my husband. Or I get asked if I'm afraid he will cheat because I can't give him certain needs that a straight woman might be able to. This one always makes me laugh. I love my husband and I would do anything to make him happy and pleased both outside and inside the bedroom. There are limits I physically can't get by and most of them play into being lesbian. There are certain aspects of the bedroom that I'm not able to do because I physically get sick at the thought and act of certain things. But even those small details do not affect the bedroom play.
The one question I've been asked probably more than anything is if I've ever seen any women since I've been with my husband and does he know? In other words, I've been asked if I've ever cheated on my husband with other women. The answer is simple. No. I have never cheated on my husband with other women because not only does he know about the women, but he has also met them. I've never had sex with another woman without letting him know both before marriage and after.
One of the other questions I get asked quite often is if he is ever involved. The answer is no. We have been married since 2012 together since 2010 and never once was he involved or even in the room. He always respected me and who I was with. Yes, he expressed how he wanted to be involved. He never pushed, though. And that made me respect him even more. He wanted to know that part of me. We have only had one threesome since we have been together and he was so supportive and caring. I was happy, excited, and pleased to share that side of me with him. It is a big part of who I am and the fact that he waited and never pushed to be involved made me want to share that with him even more.
I am so grateful to have him in my life. I know a lot of women who find out that they are lesbian for whatever reason and end up leaving their husbands. For me, I won't be leaving him because I'm lesbian. You never know where life is going to take you. You never know who you will meet in 3 days, 5 years, or in 10 years. But I do know one thing, I am happily married to an amazing guy with a huge heart. I married a man who is great with our kids. I know that no matter what happens in our lives that one thing is for sure. My husband will always be a part of my life. He is my best friend. He is the father of my children. He is my journal. He is my world, my rock. We have our problems, our fights, our needs and wants, our past both the good and the bad, but in the end, we always have each other's back.
I am a lesbian and I am happily married to a guy. I wouldn't change the decision of marrying him. I will not lie to him or sacrifice who I really am. I will tell my kids and be honest with them. I will not teach them to ever hide who they are. I will teach them to always be true to who they are. To always stay true to their heart and to never let anyone not even me tell them who to be. There will always be haters. There will always be people who judge whether that be because they are uncomfortable or insecure or simply just don't understand. But to never let them hold you down. I did. I let the haters win. I let them control me and I will not let them win again.
I will never compromise who I am and neither should anyone else. Love who you love, Be who you are, not who others want you to be. Gay, Straight, Mormon, Buddhist, Polygamy, Monogamy, Nerdy, Goth, Black, White, or somewhere in between. Never let haters bring you down because their will always be one.
and NEVER HIDE THE REAL YOU!!!
I am Lesbian, I am married to a man, I do have kids, And I love every aspect of it all! <3
When I was in 3rd grade I played Cinderella in a school play. So about 8 or 9 years old. I was meant to kiss the prince charming, and instead, I kissed my step sister. I got into a lot of trouble for that by the principal. I remember being told that it was wrong and two girls should never kiss, or touch inappropriately. I never listened to that nor did I ever feel like that was true. I continued to love, appreciate and connect better with women.
Like I said before, I've never had to pretend to be anything else.. when around friends. It means exactly how it sounds. I never had friends that wouldn't accept me for me so I never had to hide who I was and who I liked. But with family and foster care that was completely different.
I had to hide who I was. I had to pretend I was different, that I wasn't lesbian. I dated boys and brought boys home to meet the foster parents, or the adoptive parents, or even the caseworker. I had to lie so that I wasn't treated so differently.
I would go into a new foster home and would be told that I couldn't be alone in my own room, doors always had to be open and if I had friends over regardless of sex we always had to hang out in the family room or front rooms. I had always felt so embarrassed and humiliated.
I had gone to a friends house for dinner one day and in the middle of dinner, my friend's sister had snapped at me yelling at me to stop staring at her breasts. She then continued to yell that I was disgusting and that she didn't want to have sex with me. I was so humiliated and taken back that I couldn't speak clearly. The sad thing was that I had never looked at her. I was talking to my friend. I never said a word to her, and I was attacked because I was openly lesbian. I had left soon after feeling ashamed, sad, hurt, but mostly humiliated. All I wanted to say was, "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to sleep with every person that has boobs and a vagina. I don't want to sleep with every woman. Do you want to sleep with every guy?! You're straight!" It's so offensive to have people say that just because you are different than them.
I've been bullied, beat up, accused, stripped, used and lied to all because I was openly gay. I never have and never will hide who I am. Does being gay affect my marriage today? Do my husband and I have sex? Am I ever fully pleased? Am I depressed or lonely? How did I even marry him? Does he know? How does it affect him? I have been asked all these questions and more.
When I first met my husband, moved in with him, and decided to marry him I never once hid who I was. He knew I was gay. He knew about the men I had seen over the years as fake boyfriends. He knew how many partners I had in my past both male and female. He knew about it all. Why? Because he was a really good friend that over time I happened to fall in love with. I never kept my past from him. I never hid or lied to him about who I was and what I wanted in life. And he still stuck by my side.
So when did we decided to get married and how did that affect me as a lesbian? The answer, it didn't. I had told him when we first talked about marriage and moving forward in life that I wasn't going to stop loving women all because I married a guy. I told him that he needed to accept me and all of me before he proposed to me. And he still proposed. Me being a lesbian was never a secret or a relationship shocker.
As for the sex. That's great! He is really good in bed and I enjoy sex with my husband. I do get pleased. I feel wanted and loved. Sex is not a problem when it gets to our marriage. I've never pushed him away or turned him down. It's amazing that people think because I am openly gay and love women that I wouldn't have sex with my husband. Or I get asked if I'm afraid he will cheat because I can't give him certain needs that a straight woman might be able to. This one always makes me laugh. I love my husband and I would do anything to make him happy and pleased both outside and inside the bedroom. There are limits I physically can't get by and most of them play into being lesbian. There are certain aspects of the bedroom that I'm not able to do because I physically get sick at the thought and act of certain things. But even those small details do not affect the bedroom play.
The one question I've been asked probably more than anything is if I've ever seen any women since I've been with my husband and does he know? In other words, I've been asked if I've ever cheated on my husband with other women. The answer is simple. No. I have never cheated on my husband with other women because not only does he know about the women, but he has also met them. I've never had sex with another woman without letting him know both before marriage and after.
One of the other questions I get asked quite often is if he is ever involved. The answer is no. We have been married since 2012 together since 2010 and never once was he involved or even in the room. He always respected me and who I was with. Yes, he expressed how he wanted to be involved. He never pushed, though. And that made me respect him even more. He wanted to know that part of me. We have only had one threesome since we have been together and he was so supportive and caring. I was happy, excited, and pleased to share that side of me with him. It is a big part of who I am and the fact that he waited and never pushed to be involved made me want to share that with him even more.
I am so grateful to have him in my life. I know a lot of women who find out that they are lesbian for whatever reason and end up leaving their husbands. For me, I won't be leaving him because I'm lesbian. You never know where life is going to take you. You never know who you will meet in 3 days, 5 years, or in 10 years. But I do know one thing, I am happily married to an amazing guy with a huge heart. I married a man who is great with our kids. I know that no matter what happens in our lives that one thing is for sure. My husband will always be a part of my life. He is my best friend. He is the father of my children. He is my journal. He is my world, my rock. We have our problems, our fights, our needs and wants, our past both the good and the bad, but in the end, we always have each other's back.
I am a lesbian and I am happily married to a guy. I wouldn't change the decision of marrying him. I will not lie to him or sacrifice who I really am. I will tell my kids and be honest with them. I will not teach them to ever hide who they are. I will teach them to always be true to who they are. To always stay true to their heart and to never let anyone not even me tell them who to be. There will always be haters. There will always be people who judge whether that be because they are uncomfortable or insecure or simply just don't understand. But to never let them hold you down. I did. I let the haters win. I let them control me and I will not let them win again.
I will never compromise who I am and neither should anyone else. Love who you love, Be who you are, not who others want you to be. Gay, Straight, Mormon, Buddhist, Polygamy, Monogamy, Nerdy, Goth, Black, White, or somewhere in between. Never let haters bring you down because their will always be one.
and NEVER HIDE THE REAL YOU!!!
I am Lesbian, I am married to a man, I do have kids, And I love every aspect of it all! <3
